What a fucking waste of an outfit
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
