marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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