if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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