your room smells of hookers.
And success
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
