So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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