He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
