I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
