I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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