she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
