so that wasnt chicken after all
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Randomize
