And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
