I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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