i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
