my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
