he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
