Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
