i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
