Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
