My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
