wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
