Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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