Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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