Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just blew my weed a kiss
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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