I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
