Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
