The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
