No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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