Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
