I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
