i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
