Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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