She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
