I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
