we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
