its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
