You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
