OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
