Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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