we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
