my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
