I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
