I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
