what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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