just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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