Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Bring me that man meat
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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