Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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