I queefed so loud it echoed.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
