I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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