I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My vagina is officially offended.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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