i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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