You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
