Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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