tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
