The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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