she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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